the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
