i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
