You work out of a Hotel?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
