she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
