her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
