Whatcha textin bout Willis?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
