I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
