the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
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it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
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You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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