god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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