have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
