During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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