Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize