I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
