if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
