she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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