why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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