I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
