I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
