I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
