it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
