Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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