Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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