About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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