When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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