i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
