Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
