We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
