What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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