Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
