Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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