My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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