I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
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She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
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You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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