well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.