Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick