Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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