the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
