if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
