K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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