i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize