I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
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