Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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