I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
