the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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