Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
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There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
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Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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