I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
