get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
When did angry sex become our thing?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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