i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
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I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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