Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
