Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
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I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
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Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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