Plan B is the new Plan A
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
