Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
