..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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