Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
