I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
