Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
