Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I think i got beer on your cat.
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