I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
