I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
