Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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