My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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