My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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