I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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