are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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