I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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